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THE DARKEY 
BREACH OF PROMISE CASE 

A NIGGER MOCK TRIAL 
r By J. BARNES 



Capyright, 1898, by Dick & Fitzgerald 




NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 ANN STREET 
5 



THE DARKEY t<\^^ 



BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 



CHARACTERS. 

Judge. I '> I Or^ 

Clerk of the Court. 

JosEPHUs Jellybrain The plaintiff. 

Seraphina Sugarplum The defendant. 

Snowball The plaintiff's lawyer. 

Brass The defendant's lawyer. 

Peter Periwinkle A witness. 

Court Crier. 
Policeman. 
The Jury. 



Time, forty-five minutes. 

COSTUMES. 
In burlesque keeping with each character. 

PROPERTIES. 

Large (pasteboard) inkstand and immense pen and penholder for 
the Judge; writing materials for the Clerk; books and law-papers 
for the Lawyers. 



TMP92-008643 



THE DARKEY 
BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 



Scene.— .A court-room. The Judge seated behind an elevated desk, 
rear centre; the Jury in raised seats on right; raised chair for 
Witnesses on left; a table at left centre, in front of Judge's desk, 
with JosEPHUS and Snowball seated at one side, Seraphina and 
Brass at the other side; Clerk and Crier seated at a table, right 
centre, in front of Judge's desk; Policeman standing near witness- 
chair; Peter seated left. 

Judge. Am de jury all dissembled? 

Policeman. Dey am, yer washup. 

Judge. Did yer swear dem all? 

Police. Yes; dey's all bin swearin' for de last half-hour, some ob 
dem berry badly. 

Judge. Call de case. 

Clerk. Jellybrain versus Sugarplum. 

Judge. What am dis about? 

[Takes up pen, dips it into a large inkstand, and after jabbing 
the point on the desk two or three times, pretends to write. 

Clerk. Dis am a case ob breach ob promise ob marriage, yer 
washup, the plaintiff bein' Josephus Jellybrain, an' de defendant 
Seraphina Sugarplum. 

Snowball. I appears for de plaintiff, yer washup. 

Judge. Does yer? Den dat am a bad job for him. 

Jellybrain. [Jumps up'\ Eh? What de— 

Crier. Silence! 

[Jellybrain collapses.'] 

3 



4 THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 

Brass. I am for de defendant, yer wasliup. 

Judge. I doesn't happen to be in possession ob yer name. 
. Brass. Brass, yer washup. 

Judge. [JVrites] I might hab guessed it by yer face. Why, I de- 
clare I've left out de fust two letters an' put it down "ass"; but it 
won't matter. Brudder Snowball, you'd better open your case. 

Snowball. [Rising] Yer washup, an' gentlemen ob de jury: 
Dis am one ob de most 'scruciatin' cases dat ebber I remember in 
all my long susperience ob de outraged laws ob cibilized sassiety— 
dat ob a lubin', trustin', an' manly buzzum bein' converted into a ska- 
otic mass ob trubble by de act ob a shemale, who, aldough wearin' 
de form ob a human bein'— 

Brass. I takes objection to de term " human bein'," yer washup; 
my client am a lady. 

Snowball. Den, yer washup, an' gentlemen ob de jury, dis lady, 
who am not a human bein', hab so played upon de feelin's ob my 
client, Josephus Jellybrain, dat de place where his heart once existed 
am now a complete vackyum, full ob nuffin' but grief an' despair. 
He may beat his manly buzzum from mornin' till night, but he can't 
get no relief. 

Juryman. Why can't he go to de poorhouse, den? 

Snowball. For what— relief ? Can relief heal a broken heart? 
No; it can't eben pick up de bits! Can it renew blighted hopes? 
No; it can't take blight off a potater! Can it bring back joys dat 
am forebber flown? No; it couldn't eben clip deir wings! Yer 
washup, my client had delicate feelin's; he was a poet, but de divine 
inflatus am now departed, driven from its temples by de rude hands 
of Seraphina Sugarplum. 

Judge. How thankful he ought ter be! 

Snowball. He was suspired, yer washup, by de bre'f ob nature's 
sweetest music; in his buzzum dwelt de spirit ob Parnassus. 

Brass. An' plenty more. 

Snowball. Plenty more what? 

Brass. Asses. 

Snowball. You's a calumny hater, Brudder Brass. We shall show, 
by de clearest ebidence, dat my client, Josephus Jellybrain, was a 
poet ob de finest mold. 

Brass. Yes; his poetry was berry moldy. 

Judge. Dese interruptions am berry unseemly. 

Snowball. We shall show dat de fust meeting between my client 
an' de unprincipled shemale defendant, who has wrecked his happi- 
ness and ruined his appetite, was caricatured by lub at first sight, 
when, struck by the extinguished appearance ob de defendant at a 



THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 5 

cake-walk, he gabe vent to his feelin's in de follerin' beautiful 
couplet, which he placed in her hand, written on a motto-wrapper: 

"De moon am shinin' bright; 
Can I see yer home to-night?" 

If dis, yer washup, isn't a proof ob lub at fust sight, I should like 
to know what am? Den what did she reply? I'd like yer, gentle- 
men ob de jury, to pay 'ticklar attention to it. Catchm' de divme 
inflatus from my 'complished client, she quickly returned de sugared 
missive, wif de addition: 

" De stars am shinin' too. 
So I don't mind if yer do." 

Now, yer washup, can any sane pusson doubt de signifercance ob dis 
exchange ob sentiments? Here am a distinct engagement in writ- 
ino-, entered into by bofe parties, deliberately, an' wivout malice 
aforethought! De eyes ob de defendant had kindled in my client's 
breast dose flames which nuffin' can distinguish an' against which 
dar am no insurance; for a little later we finds him penning de 
follerin' beautiful confusion: 

" In a deep vale, shut out by old pine-treeses. 
Near a big pond, whar floats de ducks an' geeses, 
Whar hickory-nuts an' sweet potaters grows. 
An' de essence ob de sunflower greets de nose, 
In our log hut we'd pass de happy hours. 
An' murmur what a jolly life was ours; 
We 'd breave our lub unto the stars an' moon, 
An' eat our supper off a roasted coon." 

But perversity, gentlemen ob de jury, dwells in all shemale buzzums! 
Josephus Jellybrain's dream ob hot cakes, warm beds, comfortable 
Slippers, smokin' coffee, well-buttoned shirts, redeemed stockm's, 
bootjacks, an' happiness faded into de past, into a future ob cold 
sheets, frozen bones, heelless socks, gutta-percha biscuits, tough 
steaks, corns, coughs, rhubarb, aloes, an^ misery! De pictur' am too 
appallin' ter dwell upon, an' I '11 not harrow yer minds by doin' so; 
but dis wreck ob all human hopes hab been brought about by Sera- 
phina Sugarplum. Gentlemen, yer might as well try to ladle a riber 
dry wiv a teaspoon, to twist yer heel inter de toe ob yer boot, re- 
member whar yer's left yer umbrella when it's rainin', or anyfing 
else dat's considered impossible, as to coax a woman to do somefing 



6 THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 

when she says she won't. Yer washup, I shall now place my client 
in de witness-chair. Call Josephus Jellybrain. 

Crier. Josephus Jellybag! 

Police. Peter Jellyfish! 

Jelly. [Goes into witness-chair] I's here— what's left ob me. 

{During the whole of the evidence the Judge now and then dips his 
pen in the inkstand, jabs the point on the desk, and pretends to write.] 

Snowball. Your name is Josephus Jellybrain? 

Jelly. I allers thought so. 

Judge. No lebbity, sir; answer de squestion; yes or no? 

Jelly. Yes— or no. 

Judge. What do yer mean by dat? 

Jelly. I's tryin' to answer as you want me to do. 

Judge. Am you de plaintiff in dis action? 

Jelly. Yes, sar. It am a herry plain tiff hetween me an' de lady, 
sure enuff. 

Snowball. How long hab yer known de 'fendant? 

Jelly. 'Bout as long as she am now. She nebber was any longer. 

Snowball. You fust met her at a cake-walk? 

Jelly. Dat am kerrect. 

Snowball. An' she struck you at once— 

Seraph. Dat am an untroof. I nebber struck him at all. 

Crier. Silence! 

Snowball. But you was struck wiv— 

Jelly. I nebber was struck wiv anyfing at all. 

Snowball. You beheld her in astonishment, den? 

Jelly. No; it was in de ball-room. 

Snowball. I suppose you addressed her? 

Jelly. No; she was ready dressed— at any rate, what dey call 
"full-dressed." 

Snowball. But was dar any solemn engagement between yer 
on dat ebenin'? 

Jelly. No; dar was nobody between us at de time. I nebber seed 
him at all. 

Snowball. Saw who? 

Jelly. Solomon Gagement! 

Snowball. Did yer indite any poetry to de 'fendant on dat oc- 
casion? 

Jelly. No; it was on a motto-paper. 

Snowball. An' had you any reason to fink dat she partook ob de 
same spirit as yerself ? 

Jelly. Oh, no! dar was no spirits in de place. 

Seraph. [Jumps up] How dar' you say I had any spirits! 



THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 7 

Crier. Silence! 

Seraph. I sha'n't silence! I ain't a-gwine to hear deformations 
ob character said about me. 

Judge. Yer mustn't interrupt de court, defendant. De learned 
counsel am referrin' to de spirit ob poetry— de genius ob romance— 

Seraph. Dar was neider gin nor rum ob any kind at de walk, an' 
if dar was, I hadn't any! 

Crier. Silence! 

Clerk. De learned judge didn't say so. Yer mus' suppress yer 
flow ob animal spirits. 

Seraph. Dar! Spirits again! I tell yer, dar was none. It's a 
berry great untroof . 

Judge. [Bangs his fist on desk] Silence, or I'll kemityer! 

[Seraphina sits down very much fluttered.] 

Brass. Consider, yer washup, the delicate feelin's ob my unpro- 
tected client. [Soothes her and fans her with his brief. 

Snowball. Now, Mr. Jellybrain, we'll presume de ebidence. Did 
yer accompany de 'fendant home dat night? 

Jelly. Yes, I did, sar. 

Snowball. Wiv her own consent? 

Jelly. Certingly. 

Snowball. Dar, dat will do. I needn't question yer as to de 
little endearments which usually takes place under such suckam- 
stances. I only wanted, yer washup, an' gentleman ob de jury, to 
'stablish de fact ob a mutual agreement. Yer may sit down, Mr. 
Jellybrain. 

[As Jellybrain is about to leave the chair, Brass rises.] 

Brass. Stay a little, witness. I have a squestion to put. When yer 
saw my client home on dat night, was dar any casuality on de road? 

Jelly. Annie who? 

Brass. Any casuality; surely yer know what dat means. 

Jelly. Dar was nobody else on de road at all. 

Brass. Den, I suppose, whilst walking along wiv her yer natur- 
ally fell into a reberie? 

Jelly. No, I didn't; dar was no riber dar; but I fell into a ditch. 

Brass. Dat would cubber you wiv vexation an' disappointment, 
wouldn't it? 

Jelly. It cubbered me wiv mud an' slush. 

Brass. What did de lady do den? 

Jelly. She went away an' lef me by myself. 

Brass. Den yer went into a rage, didn't you? 

Jelly. No; I went into de next saloon to scrape de mud off my 
clothes. 



8 THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 

Brass. And you had a glass of liquor in de interim? 

Jelly. No; I had it in de bar-room. 

Brass. You's berry obtuse. 

Jelly. What does yer mean by dat? 

Brass. You must hab been born incorrigible. 

Jelly. Dat statement am not correct. I was born in Ohio. 

Brass. You can sit down. 

{They both sit down. Snowball rises.] 

Snowball. Call Peter Periwinkle. 

Crier. Peter P'riwinkle! 

Police. Peter Periwinkle, come into court. 

Enter Peter Periwinkle. Policeman escorts him to witness-chair. 

Snowball. Yer name's Peter Periwinkle? 

Peter. It am, sar. 

Snowball. Do yer know de 'fendant. Miss Seraphina Sugarplum? 

Peter. I does, sar, berry well. 

Snowball. Does she f oiler any special employment? 

Peter. Yes, sar. 

Snowball. Ob what nature is it? 

Peter. She am de servant at de Darktown Hotel. 

Snowball. Does she bear a good character? 

Peter. Oh, yes, sar. Yer should see her workin'. She gets up 
before daylight, sweeps out de place, washes all de dishes, an' makes 
all de beds afore anybody else gets up in de morning. 

Snowball. Am you employed at de same hotel? 

Peter. Yes, sar. I am de gentleman dat cleans de boots. 

Snowball. Well, had yer eber any reason to serpose dat any 
'tickular engagement was suspended between de plaintiff an' Miss 
Seraphina Sugarplum? 

Peter. Oh, yes; berry often. 

Snowball. Did dey eber conduct demselbes when dey were alone 
in any way to lead udder people to fink so? 

Peter. I nebber was wiv dem when dey was alone. 

Snowball. When yer say dat you had reason to fink dey was 
engaged, what makes yer fink so? 

Peter. I saw dem once at de Zuluogical Gardens, an' she ordered 
him to frow his cigeret away, an' he did it wivout de slightest hesi- 
tation, jus' as if dey was married. 

Seraph. It wasn't for dat; don't you fink it. 

Crier. Silence! 

Judge. De defendant will hab de opportunity ob gibing her ebi- 
dence at de proper time. 



THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 9 

Snowball. Did de plaintiff display any eccentricity ob manner 
at any time on de subject? 

Peter. Plenty ob tricks in his manner. 

Snowball. I mean any aberrations ob mind— any tokens ob de 
hard struggle goin' on wivin? 

Peter. No; it was hard-boiled eggs. 

Snowball. What kernection was dar bitween hard-boiled eggs 
an' Miss Seraphina Sugarplum? 

Peter. He ate a perdigious number ob hard-boiled eggs, because 
he said he wanted 'em to lie heabby on his stomack, so dat he should 
forget de weight ob his heart. 

Snowball. An' do yer consider he was berry pointed in his at- 
tention? 

Brass. I objects to dat squestion bin' put, yer washup. 

Judge. On what ground does yer object? 

Brass. It am no business ob my learned brudder's to inquire 
inter de points dat was put to my client. Dis case am not turnin' 
on points; it am dependin' on facks, an' facks am stubborn fings. 

Snowball. Den you's a fack. 

Brass. An' you's anudder. 

Snowball. Dar's gwine ter be trubble ober dis case. Yer mus' 
be de biggest fool in dis yere court to make such an objection! 

Brass. An' you must be de biggest fool in de court to put such 
a squestion— 

Judge. Genelmen! Yer forgets dat I's here. I allows der 
squestion ter be put, but I'll take a note ob de objection. 

Snowball. Den I'll repeat it. Did yer notice any pointed or 
special attention dat he paid to de lady? 

Peter. Yes, sar. He berry often pointed to her. He was like 
one ob dem comperses dat salers uses; he wanted to show his points 
on ebery side at once. 

Snowball. Did she nebber speak ter you about her matrimonial 
prospecks? 

Peter. Yes, sar; she said she was gwine ter hab a fine house wiv 
a garden, an' a summer-house wiv a big culprit on de top— 

Snowball. I presumes yer means a cupola? 

Peter. Oh, yes; I knows what I means. An' she said dat de gar- 
den was ter be laid out in turpentine walks— 

Snowball. Serpentine! 

Peter. Yes; and dar would be lemonades all round de sides for de 
illustrated visitors, which would shed— would shed— 

Snowball. Well? 

Peter. Dar was nuffin' else. She nebber got any furder dan dat 
wood-shed. 



iO THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 

Snowball. Well, dat am sufficient to show to de satisfaction ob 
de court dat de defendant contemplated de subjeck of matrimoney 
wif my client. I shall now purceed to put de 'fendant into de wit- 
ness-chair. Call Seraphina Sugarplum. 

[Peter is led out by Policeman.] 

Crier. Syrupina Pluggerthumb! 

[Seraphina rises; but Policeman not being there to conduct her to 
the witness-chair, Jellybrain comes forward and gives her his arm.] 

Snowball. Yer name am Seraphina Sugarplum? 

Seraph. Yes, it am; an' I ain't 'shamed ob it. 

Snowball. Answer wifout comments, please. I believe you am 
bound by a solemn contrack to de plaintiff? 

Seraph. All contracks between me an Josephus Jellybrain is off. 

Judge. You mus' be aware ob de serious nature ob engagements 
ob dis kind. Do you eber attend church? 

Seraph. Yes, I does, berry often— sometimes— now an' den. 

Snowball. An' what am your objeck in goin' dar? 

Brass. [Rising] I submit ter yer washup, dat am no business ob 
dis court, an' such an impertinent squestion hab not any right to be 
asked. 

Snowball. I sha'n't insist on de answer, Brudder Brass. People 
goes to church sometimes for berry equivercal purposes, an' if de 
witness likes ter leabe herself open to anyfing ob dat kind, she may 
do so. 

Brass. Why, what does people allers go to church for? 

Snowball. Sometimes for fishin'. 

Brass. Fishin'! 

Snowball. Yes— for husbands. 

Brass. I hopes my learned brudder doesn't insinevate dat my 
client, a lady ob her 'spectability, hab any sich motib? 

Seraph. Don't you fink it. I nebber go fishin' wiv spoon-bait. 
I goes to church because I likes de hims. 

Brass. An' de hims go 'cos dey like de shes. 

Judge. An' berry proper, too. Yer can get along, Brudder Snowball. 

Snowball. Yer say dat your 'gagement wiv my client am off? 

Seraph. Off! Clear off, an' no mistake! 

Snowball. What reason does yer allege for de breach? 

Seraph. For de what? 

Snowball. De breach. Breaches ob promise am common enuff. 

Seraph. His was tweeds. 

Snowball. His what? 

Seraph. His— hem! Dem he had on when we went ter de Zulu- 
ogical Gardens. 



THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 11 

Snowball. Yer washup, I can get nothin' out ob de obstrusity ob 
dis witness. I can't get a straight answer. 

Brass. [Rises] Suppose I tries to do de same wiv her. 

Snowball. You's welcum. [Sits down. 

Brass. Now, Miss Sugarplum, will you tell me your candid 
erpinion ob de plaintiff? 

Seraph. He am a young man ob great promise. 

Brass. In what particular? 

Seraph. He hab promised to marry half ob de girls in Darktown. 

Brass. Was he in de habit ob writing poetry to dem all? 

Seraph. Mostly— some ob dem. He wrote some beautiful verses 
to Dinah Black las' week. 

Brass. Was he making lub to her at de time? 

Seraph. Yes, he was; an' half a dozen beside. 

Judge. Can you repeat dose lines? 

Seraph. I fink so: 

" Her neck am like de ostrich, 
Her froat am like de swan; 
Her face am like a pumpkin 
Wiv de sun a-shinin' on. 

"She went to de beach for bathin'; 
- Her complexion den got spiled. 
Her cheeks all peeled, and her nose went red 
Like a lobster when it's b'iled." 

Judge. Der am plenty ob force an' expression in de poetry. It 
am ebident de plaintiff am a jennyass. 

Brass. Yer mentioned a certain visit to de Zuluogical Gardens. 
Was it de same visit mentioned by de last witness, when yer made 
plaintiff frow his cigeret away? 

Seraph. It was, sar. 

Brass. An' why did yer insist on his doin' so? Is it because yer 
objects ter tobacker, as ladies often does? 

Seraph. No; I doesn't object ter tobacker, but I f aught he'd be 
teachin' de rest ob de monkeys bad habits. 

Brass. What occurred in de conduct ob de plaintiff ter cause yer 
ter break off wiv him? 

Seraph. A great many fings. 

Brass. Can yer give us soraefing tangible to lay hold ob? 

Seraph. Well, yer might fink ob layin' hold ob his mustache, if 
it wasn't so much like a cricket-match. 

Judge. Why am it like a cricket-match? 



12 THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE, . 

Seraph. Why, dar's only eleben a side. 

Snowball. [^Rising^ Is dat all de objection to my client? 

Seraph. Oh, no. He was allers stealin' kisses. 

Snowball. But yer cannot call dat an objection from yer own 
intended husband. 

Seraph. Can't I, when he allers stole 'em from udder girls? 

Snowball. Oh, ah— um! [Sits down. 

Brass. Dat am quite conclusib. Has he ebber behaved bad to yer 
on any special occasion? 

Seraph. Yes. When we was at de gardens, I asked him ter pin a 
flower on my buzzum, an' he did it wif such a flourish ob his arm dat 
he stuck de pin into de end ob my nose, an' made it bleed berry much. 

Snowball. But dat was only an accident; yer couldn't say dat 
was a piece ob bad conduct. 

Seraph. But when he took de label from a spool ob cotton which 
he had in his pocket, and put it on de end ob my nose to stop de 
bleeding, and made my nose read, "Warranted 200 yards long," it 
was enuff to disgust de sensibilities ob any lady in de world. 

Snowball. Dat am no justifercation for breaking off an existin' 
engagement, an' blightin' de life ob my client— a paltry nose scratch. 

Brass. I takes objection to de remark "paltry" as applied ter 
my client's nose. Dar am nuffin' paltry about it. 

Snowball. Her nose am as paltry as her conduct. 

Brass. You's anudder! 

Judge. Silence! 

Brass. You's a feller, Brudder Snowball! 

Snowball. An' I repeats it. 

Judge. Will yer be quiet? 

[Throws his inkstand at them. The Counsel begin to strike each 
other with their papers. Seraphina faints in the arms 
of the plaintiff, who takes her to her seat. The Jury come 
out of their seats and gather round fighting Counsel. 

Judge. [Coming down from bench] If dat's de way you's gwine 
to settle dis case, I shall abjourn de court for luncheon. 

[Exit Judge. Counsel and Clerk follow. Jury are about 
to follow when Policeman, reentering, stops them. 

Police. Hold on, dar. Dis court don't allow no luncheon for 
jurymen. Yer mus' return to yer places till de case am concluded. 
I ain't allowed ter let yer go away for a minute. De plaintifl^ an' 
defendant am opshunal. 

[Jellybrain and Seraphina come forward, as Jury retire into their 
chairs again, and shyly approach each other.] 

Seraph. [Coyly] Josephus Jellybrain, how can yer look me in de 
face? 



THE DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. 13 

Jelly. [Sentimentally] Seraphina, why hab yer broken my heart? 
Seraph. Couldn't even chip it. Why did yer leave off comm' to 
our house, Josephus? 

Jelly. Because you began to learn de piano, Seraphina. A poetic 
soul can stand a great deal, but to listen to a young lady learnin' de 
piano am above human endurance. 

Seraph. I's giben it up, Josephus. 

Jelly. Den return me my presents, Seraphina. 

Seraph. You nebber gave me any, Josephus. ^ 

Jelly. What! am all my kisses forgotten— all dose confessions 
ob a divine inspiration? 

Seraph. De kisses yer can hab back— yer ungrateful man— any 
time yer like ter come for them. . j. .- ' 

Jelly Well, habin' arranged dat to our mutual satisfaction, 
we'll adjourn for lunch. [Offers his arm. Exit, arm in arm. 

Police. Now, genelmen ob de jury, I shall lock de court-room 
door, an' leabe you to consider de verdict. [Exit Policeman. 

[Jury come out of their chairs, and sit about stage.] 

Foreman. What does you say? Shall we bring dem in guilty ob 
manslaughter? 

First Jury. What for? 

Fore. For not gettin' married. 

Second Jury. De plaintiff am guilty. 

Fore. What ob? 

Second Jury. Ob not knowing when he's well ott. 

Third Jury. I say de woman am de worst. ^ 

Fourth Jury. An' I say it's de man. It's allers de man in dese 
cases. 

Fifth Jury. Dat am an untroof . _ , .' i 

Fore. Now, gentlemen, I shall fine yer all for mutiny an insub- 
ordination. ^, , • . r, J 

Sixth Jury. I don't care what yer does; I's not gwine to hear de 

women run down. , ,. j 

Third Jury. An' Pll not hear de men belied. 
Fourth Jury. [TJirows a law-book at him] Dat soon settles de 

^^THerTihey begin to throw the papers aud books from the tables at 
each other. In the midst of the confusion the Policeman eTi^ers] 

Police Stop! stop! De case am settled. De plaintiff an defen- 
dant hab eloped togedder, an' his washup invites yer all ter luncheon. 

[They all rush to the door, and after a deal of pushing and strug- 
gling for precedence, they all get out.] 



curtain. 



PUAVS. 

DICK'S AMERICAN EDITION. 

Copies of any of the titles advertised on this circular will be ientto 
any address oti receipt of A 5 centS eacho Send orders to 

DICK & FITZGERALD, 
18 Ann Street, = - New York. 

A HOUSEHOLD FAIRY. A domestic sketch in one act, by 
Francis Talfourd. One male and one female characters. 
Scene, a bachelor's apartment. Time, about thirty minutes. 
A bright and lively girl proves to a morbid, sentimental and 
desponding young bachelor that life is worth living ; a very 
well planned character sketch. 

A KISS IN THE DARK. A capital farce in one act. Two 
male and three female characters. Scene, a parlor. Time, 
about forty-five minutes. A roaring Farce in which a sus- 
picious husband attempts to test his wife's constancy ; be- 
comes the victim of his own little plot, is properly himibled, 
and cured of his groundless jealousy. 

A MEDICAL MAN. A comedietta in one act, by W. S. Gil- 
bert. Two male and one female characters. Scene, a very 
untidy bachelor's room. Time, about forty minutes. A very 
ingenious and farcical domestic comedy of errors, which in 
spite of a serious blunder, and a pardonable deception, re- 
sults lu the happiness of both the parties concerned. 

A MOST UNWARRANTABLE INTRUSION. A comic inter- 
lude in one act by John Maddison Morton. Two male 
characters only. Scene, a parlor. Time, about thirty-five 
minutes. It shows how a personally unknown nephew, by 
the most ludicrous and eccentric conduct, manages to obtain 
from his uncle the hand of his niece and a fortune besides. 

A PAIR OF PIGEONS. A domestic sketch in one act by 
Bdward Stirling. One male and one female characters. 
Scene, a parlor. Time, about thirty minutes. A very amus- 
ing matrimonial scene in which a wife cures her husband of 
unwarrantable jealousy. 

A TERRIBLE SECRET. A spirited farce in one act, by J, 
Stirling Coyne. Two male and two female characters. 
Scene, a furnished parlor. Time, fully an hour. In which Mr. 
Henpecker is the victim of a harmless hoax which involves 
him in a lot of imaginary troubles and funny perplexities, 
until the secret he struggles to conceal is shorn of its fancied 
terrors, and Mrs. Henpecker consents to be appeased. 

AN ELIGIBLE SITUAIION. An eccentricity in one act, by 
Thomas Archer and J. C. Brough. Four male and six female 
characters. Time, about forty minutes. A medley of philan- 
thropy, jealousy, inquisitiveness, clandestine love-making, 
burglary and final happiness. 



FAIRLY TAKEN IN. A comic interlude in one act by Mrs. 
Charles Kemble. One male and one female characters. 
Scene, an apartment. Time, about twenty-five minutes. A 
suspicious lover's stratagem to test his betrothed is met by 
stratagem, and he is taught a lesson for groundless miistrust. 

FIRESIDE DIPLOMACY. A comedietta in one act, adapted 
from the French by Charles Smith Cheltnam. Two male 
and two female characters. Scene, an elegant parlor. Time, 
about forty minutes. A well-arranged domestic comedy in 
which a woman who henpecks her husband strives to create 
discord between a happy couple, and not only fails, but gets 
a wholesome lesson herself. 

FURNISHED APARTMENTS. A comic interlude in one act 
by H. A. Y. Five male characters only. Scene, a parlor. 
Time, about one hour. The fun begins with two gentlemen 
taking the same apartments, ordering the same supper, and 
each supposing the other an intruder, but finally discover 
that they are partners in the same enterprise. 

HIS FIRST BRIEF. A comedietta in one act by Sidney 
Daryl. Three male and two female characters. Scene, a sit- 
ting-room. Time, about an hour. A medley of love, jealousy 
impudence and eccentricity, in which the characters are all at 
cross purposes, getting tangled up in the most ludicrous 
*' situations," but with ultimate most satisfactory results. 

JACK OF ALL TRADES. A rolHcking farce in one act, 
adapted for six male characters. Scene, apartment of a 
scientific student. Time, about forty-five minutes. The 
versatile and absurd performances of a fickle young man, 
who is everything in turn and nothing long, to the aggrava- 
tion of his father, but turns up sensible at last. 

MONEY MAKES THE MAN. A parlor drama in one act by 
Arthur Sketchley. Four male and three female characters. 
Scene, a parlor. Time, about fifty minutes. A scheming, 
avaricious father tries to separate tvv^o loving young couples 
in order to profit by a supposed inheritance, which turns out 
quite differently from his calculations. Matters are settled 
happily, and the schemer thwarted by the old invalid gentle- 
man to whom his daughter was to be sacrificed. *^ 

MRS WILLIS'S WILL. A comic drama in one act, adapted 
from the French of Emil Souvestre, for five female characters. 
Scene, a room in a farm-house. Time, about an hour. A 
drama in which avaricious hopes are not realized, the humble 
are exalted, and haughty pride is held up to ridicule. 

POISONED. A ludicrous farce in one act by Vincent An-- 
cott. Four male characters. Scene, a sitting-room in dis- 
orderly confusion. Time, about thirty -five minutes. Show- 
ing the vicissitudes in the love affairs of a young bachelor 
who is poor but has expectations, the pranks of his man, and 
the reaUstic effects of imaginary poisoning. Mrs Priggit is 
a very characteristic Irish Washerwoman, played by a male. 



SLIGHTED TREASURES. A petite comedy in one act by 
William Suter. Four female characters only. Scene, a 
sitting-room. Time, about thirty-five minutes. A cleverly 
worked-out contrast between true and heartless girls, and 
sterling merit and frivolous aspirations, in which merit is 
triurnphant over jealousy. 

THE DUCHESS OF MANSFELDT. A comic drama in one 
act adapted from the French of Souvestre for six female 
characters only. Scene, interior of a village inn. Time, 
about forty minutes. The Duchess visits her newly-acquired 
duch}^ incognito, and in several funny ways finds nobility in 
disguise may invoke ridicule through ignorance of village 
manners. She learns a lesson and profits by it. 
. THE DUTCHMAN'S GHOST ; or, All Right. An original farce 
in one act by S. Barry. Five male and two female characters. 
Scenes, a sitting room, and a street-thoroughfare. Time, 
about forty-five minutes. Introduces a tyrannical wife, a 
hen-pecked husband, a stupid Dutchman, and other comic 
characters. 

THE STAGE-STRUCK CLERK; or, The Office in an Uproar. A 
laughable farce in one act. Six male and three female 
characters. Scene, a lawyer's ofi&ce. Time, about thirty-five 
minutes. An over-smart lawyer's clerk, always getting into 
scrapes which he evades by assuming the name of an innocent 
fellow clerk. His genius for inventing excuses help him out, 
but bring retribution at last. 

THE STUDENT'S FROLIC. A farce in one act, by T. S. 
Robinson. Three male and two female characters. Scene, 
a sitting-room. Time, about forty-five minutes. The per- 
plexing situations and subterfuges of a rollicking student in 
his endeavor to elude pursuit after a supposed murder ; with 
a chmax. 

THE TRAIN TO MAURO. An amusing interlude in one act, 
by S. A. Frost. Characters, one male, one female, and a 
little boy. Time, about fifteen minutes. Scene, the waiting- 
room of a railroad station. The loquacious Mrs. Buttermilk 
and her enfant terrible nearly miss their train through a mis- 
understanding in regard to '* to-morrow " and "to Mauro." 

TWO GENTLEMEN AT MlVART'S. An interlude in one act 
by J. Palgrave Simpson. Two male characters only. Scene, 
an ante-room in Mivart's Hotel. Time, about twenty minutes. 
A very entertaining duologue in which an old and a young 
gentleman are mutually objects of disdain, jealousy and rival- 
ry, only to find out that they are father and son. 

WANTED A YOUNG LADY. A laughable farce in one act, 
by W. E. Suter. Two male and one female characters. Scene, 
a room in a Country-house. Time, about fifty minutes. A 
very bright Farce in which disguises, intended to deceive, 
are paid back in their own coin. It is "diamond cut 
diamond," introducing continual droll complications. 



t ACTING PLAYS t 

W W 
^ 15 cents each. 

t MALE AND FEMALE CHARACTERS. '*' 

^ ^''■^- fir 

* A Household Fairy, How she got him and kept him 1 1 ^ 

•^ A Kiss in the Dark, Kissing on the sly and the results 2 3 *^ 

Jf, All at Sea, A brilliant little comedy 3 2 J^ 

A Medical Man, Blunders, deception and happiness 2 1 

"T An Eligitla Situation, Love, burglary and bliss. , 4 6 T 

4ft A Pair of Pigeons, Groundless jealousy cured ... 1 1 f^ 

A A Silent Protector, Ludicrous effects of a portrait 3 2 . 

^ A Terrible Secret, A harmless hoax with roaring effects 2 2 * 

^ Betsy Baker, A little plot for wife-cure 2 2*^ 

K Cinderella, Fairy-tale with songs and music .36^ 

Fairly Taken in. Funny cure for jealousy 1 1 

T Fireside Diplomacy, Cure for a henpecking wife 2 2 ▼ 

4» Freezing a Mother-in-law, An eccentric farce 3 2 f^ 

* From Punkin Ridge, A rascal unmasked, dialect characters ..63 . 
^ His First Brief, Love-making accidentally ; very bright 3 2 

^ Jumbo Jum, introducing a funny blundering nigger 7 3 *f' 

* Love Under 'Obstacles, Practical parlor pantomime 3 3 ^U 

Money Makes the Man, Love triumphs over Avarice 4 3 ^ 

T Paddy Doyle ; or, A Mutual Friend, Paddy is great 4 2 V 

fit/t Pat's Dilemma, The troubles of an Irish emigrant . . .' 4 3 *ii< 

Popping the Question, Everyone at cross-purposes 2 4 • 

* Ten Nights in a Barroom, A great temperance drama 7 4 ^ 

•^ That Rascal Pat, His troubles under two masters 3 2 .*^ 

t^ The Billet DOUX, How she tamed her father-in-law 4 1 ^ 

The Dutchman's Ghost, Squelching a dunderhead Dutchman.. 5 2 

T The Obstinate Family; or, A Family Fix, Obstinacy cured. 3 3 *** 

r^ The Philopena; or, Jealousy, How she cured her jealous husband 2 1 fA* 

* The Rival Lodgers, Adapted from " Box & Cox" 2 1 * 

^ The stage-struck Clerk, Innocence triumphs over guilt 6 3 

•^ The Student's rrolic, Lots of funny situations 3 2 *^ 

f. The Train to Mauro, Fussy old lady and terrible boy 2 1 ^ 

"Wanted, A Young Lady," "Diamond cut diamond," nobody hurt 2 1 

^ Who is Who ? All tangled up at cross-purposes. 3 2 *^'' 

* Won by Strategy, a farce full of absurdities 3 1 r 

^ DICK & FITZGERALD, i8 Ann Street, New York. '*' 

fir •A' '^ f^c "I* 'I' 4* 4* 4* ''^'' 'v^ 4'' 'I'* '^t'' 'I'' "^ 4' 'If 4* '^ 



•A* 

♦A* 
♦^ 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

ACTING PLAYS * 

15 cents e&dh. j^ 

MALE CHARACTERS ONLY. ^ 

A Most UnwarrantablG Intrusion, How he won her 2 •^ 

An Army of Applicants, Dude, sport, bummer, Pat, etc 6 4, 

A Spanking Legacy, A vendetta, with comical terrors 5 ^ 

A Sudden Arrival, Consternation and general rumpus 7 

Furnished Apartments, Rival lodgers and fun 5 T 

Jack of all Trades, Very funny cure for fickleness 6 ^ 

My Next Door Neighbor, Character sketch 5 ^ 

Old Cronies, Character comedietta. Funny throughout 2 

Poisoned, Funny, but he didn't die 4 ^ 

The Musical Bore, The musical neighbor nuisance 3 '^ 

Two Gentlemen at Mivart's, strangers ; rivals ; a discovery . a ^ 

FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY. '*' 

A Slight Mistake, Odd effects of a German lottery prize ticket 5 • 

Mrs. Willis' Will, Girls at loggerheads and lots of fun 5 ^ 

Slighted Treasures, Girlish jealousy and spite exposed 4 T* 

The Duchess of Mansfeldt, Fun in a village 6 ^ 

NEGRO PLAYS. ^ 

Barking Up the Wrong Tree, A darkey sketch 5 .A* 

Box and Cox, Negro version. Female part played by male 3 • 

Darkey Breach of Promise Case, Nigger mock trial 20 1 

De Trouble Begins at Nine, Nigger interlude 2 *▼* 

Kerfoozlem; or. The Quack Doctor, Ludicrous nigger act . . . 3 •^ 

Never Mine de Why en Wharfo', Darkey interlude 2 l J. 

Nigger Boarding-House, Farce; female part played by male . . 6 

The Stage-struck Darkey, a female part played by male ... 3 + 

The Virginia Mummy, Screaming nigger farce 6 1 '^ 

DICK & FITZGERALD, 18 Ann Street, New York. ^ 



